Saturday, February 27, 2010

House of Jealous Lovers

This is awesome. I got my gmail and facebook hacked this morning. On its own that makes for quite a day, but I really think the hackers, some friends and I all conspired to make this a unique experience.

I'll start at the beginning, and since it's my accounts that got hacked, I reserve the right to decide the facts of the matter for now. Here's how I remember it.

At 9:30 I came upstairs from watching The Soup and VH1 videos, and Chelsey was still in bed. She had just awoken, and discovered text messages from my friends saying that my gmail had been hacked. She then checked her email and saw an email from me, telling her I was in London and asking for some money. The message said that I was robbed at gunpoint, and needed money for some bills I had racked up. Really dumb shit. But it gets better.

She tells me this news, and tells me that my phone has been ringing all morning. I check my phone and see missed phone calls from a coworker, my boss, and my sister and brother. What really gets my attention is that one of the Vice Presidents of Goodwill has been trying to call me. This strikes me as odd for two reasons. First, I was not aware that he had my personal phone number. Number two, I'm a little horrified that he has been mixed up in this.

So Chelsey posts something on facebook saying that I am not under gunpoint, and I call the Vice President back. He's not there, but in the process, I am looking at emails he sent my work email account, and from the looks of things, it appears he has taken this email more seriously then anyone else has. So I leave him a message, telling him I'm not in London, and that haven't been robbed.

After that I attempt to restore both facebook and gmail for a while. Gmail is impossible. There is a form that you have to fill out which asks for all this information that would be reallly easy to provide, if I had access to my fucking gmail account. So I make some guesses and submit everything. I then ask Chelsey if we can go to breakfast, because I feel like this bullshit has entitled me to chicken fried steak (one of my new years resolution is to eat more CFS).

As we are driving to Leos for breakfast, I get a call back from the Vice President. Turns out that he was online right when they hacked my account, and they started IMing with him. They actually act like they are me and tell the VP that Chelsey and I were just mugged and so on, and the VP is actually kind of buying it. he aks how much I (they) need, and they tell him 900 pounds (or $1400). Surprisingly, he is up for it! This is a guy I work with every day, but we are not friends. We don't hang out outside of work, but he's totally willing to wire me $1400. WTF?
Fortunately, before he sent the money, he asked them a question to verify that they were me. (What is the most important thing in the world to me? Answer: My corvette). They are unable to answer this question, and he says he's going to have to speak to me before things go any further. He also calls my boss and confirms that she saw me at work at 4pm yesterday. So getting to London and racking up $1400.00 seems unlikely. So the VP did NOT send any money (thank god), and we both laugh about it, and I go to Leos.

I eat the CFS. It's great. Especially since I am also hungover. Hacked and hungover. After breakfast, Chelsey and I go to Goodwill at 41st and Pacific - where my office is. While she shops, I submit another request to gmail to restore my account. Which is a good thing, because when I get to my work computer, I see that I have not provided enough information to for them to restore my gmail . There is a rejection email waiting on me. With the help of my work email, I can provide more of the information they are looking for (main contacts, the name of the this blog's url, etc).

We go home, and I realize that the hangover is now taking over, so I lay down and watch some tv. Chelsey comes down, and we watch Mad Men on DVD. During the third show, Gmail tells me I can have me account back, and I take a laptop to City Limits, so I can re-setup my account.

This turns out to be more of a challenge than I hoped it would be. All my contacts are gone, and I don't have any emails from the time I was hacked. I start sending emails to tell people I have me email active again, and I begin to notice that no one is responding to my emails. So I start IMing with my friend John (IM worked fine), and I have him send me an email, and nothing comes. So I figure that maybe usability is just limited.

Work ends, and Chuck and I decide to watch Hurt Locker on demand. While the movie is playing, I decide to poke around on my gmail settings and see if maybe I'm missing something that would keep people from emailing me.

It turns out I did. Because the hackers have set up my gmail so that anytime anyone emails me, the messages are forwarded to an email that they created called" and are then deleted from gmail. Meaning that all the emails that were sent to me today were forwarded to their fake email address and then deleted. So I stop this nonsense, and look in the Deleted folder, and discover all these emails that people sent. I also notice that they have entered an Nigerian phone number and associated it with my account. That's worth noting, since by doing so, they would receive text messages every time I reset the password. Great! Fuckers!

So I get that fixed, and gmail is mostly back to normal. I also make another plea for facebook to activate my account again. I also google "facebook has disabled my account" and read about all these people who have been waiting for months to be activated after being disabled. This makes me mad, so I contact yahoo, and tell them, about the account, and tell them they should disable it.

Now it's 1am. My gmail works. Facebook hates me. And I have to run 5 miles tomorrow for my half-marathon training. I can't fucking run that far.


  1. Well now I feel like shit, because I sent you a list of contacts that i bet you never received.

  2. But now that I think of it, they already had those contacts anyway.

  3. On the plus side, I did fucking run that far.

  4. Well, congrats on the run. And to comfort you via shared misery, our friends Kim and Bill had their van stolen out of a parking lot on Saturday morning while Kim was biking around the lake (which is a lot like running, if you think about it). It's at an impound lot now, but no word on what condition it's in. Their address and garage door opener were inside the van when it was stolen. Not sure why life was so cruel last weekend, but here's hoping it doesn't continue to go down the toilet. For anyone.

  5. The question long do I wait to set up a new facebook account? Is facebook ever going to let me back in? What about the GoodwillOmaha facebook page. It was linked to my account. Is it now gone forever? Am I stuck in a crappy Tom Clancy book where military intrigue is replaced with some lamo getting kicked off facebook? We don't know...