Monday, February 22, 2010

Speed Trials

Having completed about 6 weeks of half-marathon training, a set of realities have made themselves clear.

First, apparently, I am able to run long distances regularly. This flies in the face of everything I once held true about myself.

Secondly, in order to run these long distances, it is essential that I run mind bogglingly slow. Fifty-year old women who do not appear to be in very good shape regularly pass me.

Thirdly, my knee is awfully sore after running four miles. What will it feel like after 13? Will it fall off? Will it explode?

Fourthly, I also seem to have to poop after 2 miles. This is okay when one runs in a gym. But surely it wont be good when I am on an outdoor marathon course. I have already checked, and they do have porta-potties about every 2 miles (handy for me), but who's to say I will still have any get up and go to run after spending time in a porta-pottie?

Lastly, according to the Lincoln Marathon website, they will leave the course up for three hours. At my current aforementioned slow pace, I will finish the half marathon in 2.8 hours. That rate basically puts me just in front of the people tearing down the course. How humiliating will that be? Will it make me run faster? Or will I end up just stopping, and helping with tear down?


  1. Brent,

    I see the half has a different finish line from the full marathon. Do you know what time they close it?

    In the Dallas marathon, you have to keep a 14 minute mile pace to finish the whole race on time, but I'm not sure what they do with late half marathon finishers.

    Good luck. Maybe you could roller blade instead?

  2. That's stupid. How am I going to have my "Run Fatboy Run" moment hours after the race, if they are going to be shutting everything down three hours after it starts?

  3. Maybe you could wear a shirt saying Run Fatboy Run, a fright wig, and a diaper. You run as fast as you can, as long as you can. Paramedics take you to the nearest hospital where you become a charming novelty. The press is enchanted, and you don't have to worry about 13 miles.