1) A high quality disco ball, to make up for the crappy one she had when we lived in Logansport.
2) A framed, handwritten apology for peeing on her in my sleep when I was a kid.
3) Tomato/zuchini basket
4) Photo of Chuck dressed like Jesus, giving the a-okay sign.
5) Same photo, but with Chelsey dressed as Joan from Mad Men.
6) Same photo but with me dressed like a hot dog.
7) Rights to the following url's: http://www.assblaster.net/, http://www.shimmydick.com/, http://www.thestronglongdong.org/
8) Record a version of 99 Problems by Jay-Z, but change the refrain from "99 problems, but a bitch aint one", to "99 problems and I'm forty one."
10) Hire fat magician. Send to house.