Wednesday, April 27, 2011

Last night I killed Santa

So Zoe has become obsessed with fairies and proving they are real. Her classmates think she's an idiot, but she argues that at her house if you leave them honey, sugar, berries, and some other junk they leave you presents in return. This is because I am too stupid to get off a sinking boat when I see it. And so instead of purposely ensuring that the fairy gifting machine only worked when Zoe was visiting her friend Carey, I allowed the insanity to creep to our house.

Lately kids in her class have been picking on Zoe -- even her former best pal -- because everyone in 2nd-3rd grade knows that aliens are real and fairies are fake. So (in a top secret PRIVATE CONVERSATION, a big deal at our house) I broke down and spilled the beans about me being the one who put out the fairy presents and cleaned up the honey-berries-sugar glop. Which immediately led to a question regarding who, exactly, was the tooth fairy. Well . . . me. How did I photograph the tooth fairy then? Photographed a night light. What about the pretty paper she wrote the note on? Mine.

Then at dinner, she whispered in my ear to ask if I was also the Easter Bunny and Santa (let's face it, even she knows it's not Dave). I nodded. She started to cry. Again. Jude complained about all the classified information being bandied about and noted that it's not healthy for families to have secrets. To which Zoe replied that if he found out this secret he would be "crestfallen."

She cried some more before bed, then thanked me for some of the crap she had thought Santa or the Easter Bunny had given her. Best. Mom. Ever.


  1. Did she really say "crestfallen"? I don't even know what that word means. So I think you should give yourself some credit for your childs extensive vocab.

  2. Yep. She really did say crestfallen. The other day when Dave was telling Jude that he was stuck with the second (less appealing) bathtime because he dawdled all through dinner and other nightime stuff, he argued, "But you have to see it from my perspective."

    Our kids are weirdos with nice vocabularies. And a horrible mother.

  3. Not to get all Doug Henning on you, but if your kid somehow believed in magical stuff in this day and age, I'd say you are doing pretty good. One day she'll look back on all this and realize how many hoops you jumped through to make the world more interesting for her.

  4. Question: Did you consider telling Jude also? It just seems like he's going to be pissed when he finds out everyone knows but him.

  5. Zoe spilled the beans to her friend who got us into this mess, and trust me when I say she was more pissed just to find out. I believe in my heart that Jude could go 2 more years, easy. He's a boy you know.