Wednesday, August 31, 2011

Scenes From a Delivery Room

So having a baby seems to suck.  I guess I already knew that.  But it's a much more visceral suckiness to watch your wife go through little moments of agony every 2-5 minutes.  She's doing a very good job of breathing through the contractions, and she's discovered cussing.  "Jesus Christ" seems to work the best.  But I hope "motherfucker" starts making an appearance when it gets worse.

Just in general, this has served as a reminder of how unrestful hospitals are.  This seems like the regiment they should employ in prison.  Wake you up every hour.  Fuck with you.  Give you drugs that make it worse.  And repeat.  I realize there's not a better way to do it, but it doesn't help matters to be sleep deprived and having labor pains.

The nurses are all nice though in their own way.  Our night nurse was a little annoying.  Our day nurse seems like she has more on the ball.  She calls us both by name, and she's very familiar.  And not in a "let me share some stories from my home life" familiar.  I hate those nurses.

There is so much pudding here.  It's amazing.  But no spoons.  Only forks.  Which isn't really a problem until the end.  You can't really scrape the bottom of a pudding cup with a fork.  We did have a nurse track down some spoons for us.  We now call her "Spoon Nurse."  Which is a shame because her real name is Candi.  And nurse Candi sounds like a porn name.

Chelsey is doing really good.


  1. I'm pretty sure I've watched a video called Candy Spoon Nurse.

  2. For some reason Spoon Nurse immediately makes me think of Crane Wife. Maybe the Decemberists will write as song about your nurse.