Just so I don't forget....

I want to make sure I get this down somewhere.  It was the funniest thing I heard all year.  Around Thanksgiving, Chelsey asked Chuck how the cooking was going over at his house.  He and my dad had been preparing for Thanksgiving most of the day, and Chuck's house has a very small kitchen. 

Chuck thought about it, and said something to the effect of:

 "Well, you know me and dad, we're just two big old bears trying to stay out eachother's way."

I realize this wont sound funny for anyone that wasn't there, but it was hilarious at the time. 

Wreck of the Brentmond Fitzkoster

So in order to control an over-the-top perspiration problem, I have given up coffee.  The days that followed this decision have been marked with an amazing headache, the sensitivity of a little Koster boy, and the dumbness of a dumb stupid dummy.  I just spent two hours trying to write something that should have taken me 45 minutes.  This is mostly due to the wombat attacking the inside of my skull, but it's also due to the fact that I can barely put two words together that make any kind of sense at all. 

I had no idea I was this addicted to coffee.  But because I'm so spacy, I'm not entirely convinced that it's all due to the coffee.  I have also failed to bring a breakfast with me to work each day this week.  And I have noticed that eating kind of makes this headache go away, but I don't have it together enough to check this hypothesis, because I never seem to have any food with me. 

I also seem to be nursing a tiny little addiction to Alka-Seltzer Cold Medicine, which is another reason I can't say this is all caffeine related.  I drink a glass of it before I go to be each night, even though I barely have a cold at this point.  But I keep doing so, because in my daze-filled existence, it seems like the thing to do.  Like if I don't, I might not get a good sleep.  And I need a good sleep, because I feel so out of it.  And so on.

This could be the beginning of the end. 

I have also been super-sensitive at work.  I have essentially convinced myself that everyone I work with hates me, but that's okay, because I hate them too, and even though no one is saying anything about this shared hatred, it's there.  Believe me.  It's there.  I also hate the guy who edited my last story for my sportswriting job.  He told me that my "lede" didn't make any sense.  Well guess what, Dickface?  I didn't know "lede" was spelled that way.  I reread it, it was a shitty lede.  But I'm a little fucked up right now, so maybe you could be a little more....(you see where this is going.)

Fuck you coffee.  Fuck you, and you fucking face.

Christmas 2010

So as part of the yearly clusterfuck that is our holiday planning, Nancy evidently had a conversation with our Aunt Jeannie about the fact that our grandma was going to be alone this year for christmas. This "alone" assessment was reflective of the facts that Brent and Chelsey will be going to Kearney, NE and that Nance and Jerr may be going to Dallas for Christmas. What am I doing you ask? Funny thing. I'm staying here so that Helen Frances won't be "alone" for Christmas.

The "alone" comment could have been just a poor choice of words on either my grandma's or aunt jeannie's part; however, it does kind of make me wonder why I'm sticking around, rather than doing whatever the hell I want for Christmas (visiting Wendy and family).

Brent thought this would make a good blog. I was worried that I didn't know how to write-it without coming off self pitying. So when you read this, try not to picture me really whiney about it, but rather really mad and tough.

I'm in the Internet! On a plane!

So I am on my way to visit my friends in Atlanta, and Google Chrome has generously made the wifi free on all Air Tran flights as a holiday gesture.  How nice.  Sadly, I don't have much to do on the internet, and the signal is not strong enough to stream off of netflix, but who gives a fuck?  I'm on the internet.  I could bring up porn right now if I wanted.  This is great.

This is as good a time as any for me to give some holiday updates.

1. Chelsey completed her capstone yesterday and passed with flying colors.  This means she will actually graduate with her masters on December 17th.  I am so proud of her.  As someone who would rather swallow a bucket of toilet bowl cleaner than go back to school, I am amazed that anyone goes back.  And seeing how difficult this has been at times for Chelsey, I could not be more happy for her - for for us and all the big-time money we are going to start seeing flow into the Kosterpelding bank accounts.
2. I'm almost done with Grapes of Wrath, and I can tell it's not going to end in a very uplifting place.  Things just seem to be getting worse and worse.  Today they had to leave the place with the hot water to make a go at some peach orchard.  This can't be good.  After this I move on to The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo, which I assume to be less taxing on my soul.
3. I have acquired presents for almost everyone on my list.  But at what expense?  I'll tell you what expense: the expense of Chelsey and my xmas cards.  We are WAY behind.  And I wanted to print up cute ones off the internet this year, but we haven't taken any pictures yet.  Dammit.
4. I have launched a new workout regment called "Brent goes to work early and works out in the new Goodwill gym, then showers, then puts on work clothes."  We are working on a shorter name.  I like this new plan because I end up being the first person in the building from time to time, which means I get to turn off the alarm.  That makes me feel important.  I also like it because no one else is around, and I don't have to worrry about accidentally farting when I work out.  The biggest drawback is that I keep forgetting to bring a change of socks and underwear.  Lots of free balling it and wearing no socks around the workplace. 

Oh - it looks like I have to get off.  Free airplane internet is the greatest!

My Holiday Plan So Far

So I am trying to get the most out of my holidays this year.  This is what the plan looks like so far:

1) Finish Grapes of Wrath so I can start reading those "Girl Who Blah Blah Blah" books.  2010 has been a big year for me in the reading department.  I can think of no better way to end it, than to read some chain of popular fiction.  I've never done that before.  It's time.

2) Bake.  Last year my baking turned out horrible.  The peanut butter squares tasted weird.  It was a mess.  This year I plan on being more fastidious in my planning and implementation of treats.  It's going to be a whole new Brent and Chelsey treat spectacular.

3) Buy gifts early.  I vow to not go anywhere near a busy mall in December.  I'm also thinking about getting all my gifts at Sears.  Sears is great.  They cater to the old.  You know, children get older.  I'm getting older too. 

4) Listen to music.  I have a lot of albums to consider before the end of the year lists.  I'm hoping to combine this with items 1 and 5.

5) Figure out a workout schedule.  Now that I can't run outside, I don't know what to do.

6) Make cocktails.  I think maybe I haven't tried enough types of drinks.  What's in a rusty nail?  I should find out.

7) Finish the model that Chuck and I started back in August or whatever.  Fuck that model.

Trying To Do Thanksgiving

Man that hot dog costume turned out good.  I haven't written in a while, and I have some time to kill until Boardwalk Empire.  Since I last checked in, Chuck and I went to North Carolina to visit Mom and Dad and take Dad to a Saints game.   The trip turned out pretty darn good.  High points included watching old movies and slides.  Low points mostly had to do with Chuck blowing it from time to time.  He just kept making the wrong moves.  Also, on the way back from Charlotte, my dad told Chuck and I an assortment of stories from his youth.  After two or three, it became clear that he was just stealing themes and concepts from John Denver lyrics and turning them into a childhood.  Which was fine.  But I could see right through him.

Then I got back and Chelsey and I attended our first Nebraska game together the following week.  The Nebraska game was fun, except when we were walking in I got a little claustrophobic and asked Chelsey to stop touching me.  This was not well received.  I find that as I get older, I get weirder and weirder around crowds (and in general).  I hate being stuck in traffic  I hate being stuck in big crowds.  I hate all that stuff.  It makes me want to chew my arm off or something.  But once we got into the game I was fine, and Chelsey forgave me, and we had a nice time.

The next day Chuck and I went to a Creighton basketball game.  When we got to our seats, some lady was sitting in the seats and told Chuck that they were planning on spreading out for the game, and that we could sit elsewhere.  I hated this, but excepted it, because I didn't want to be mean about her stupid "I've made a decision that is totally going to put you out" ways.  Then I guess she changed her mind, and her and her daughter went to sit with her family.  The rest of the game is spent dodging the balloons of her two toddler daughters, and trying to act like I'm not annoyed by her kids.  Eventually her and her family end up coming into our row, going back to their row.  Splitting between the two rows, and finally both parents end up in our row, with the two toddlers unaccompanied and sitting in front of Chuck and I.   This last part made no sense to me.  Both Chuck and I wanted to kill the entire family.

Lastly, I believe Thanksgiving will go down like this this year:  Mom and Dad in town.  Dinner at our house.  Saints game on that night.  Many pies.  Grandma in.  Grandma out.  Lots of crockpots.  I hope it goes ok.

Trying To Do Halloween

Last year I bought a hotdog costume, vowing that I would finally start participating in a holiday that I have always kind of hated.  I did this for one reason:  Because my wife really likes it.  And I figure that she cheers for the Saints.  The least I can do is dress like a wiener.

So last year the costume showed up all wrinkly, and I couldn't do anything about it.  So it looked pretty shitty.  It has no form to it, so it just kind of hung there.

Note the filled in head.  That was all saggy last year.

This year I made some changes.

While watching the worst season finale to Project Runway ever, I sewed in a bunch of stuffing in key areas.  No one was more surprised than me to see that said changes actually worked.  Particularly on the head part.  I stuffed the shoulders too, but unfortunately the extra head stuffing negated the shoulder stuffing.  Fashion is so hard.

Note the puffy shoulders, and Chelsey's sexy gun.  

I also wrapped foil around the bottom portion of me, and called myself a Ballpark Frank.  This appeared to amuse no one but me.  And the foil kept falling off the first time I wore it, but I got it securely attached, and I think, if nothing else, it appeared confusing.  So there's that.