Showing posts with label Embarrassing. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Embarrassing. Show all posts

Wednesday, December 19, 2012

Best and Worst Things I Acquired This Year

Best:

  • Sink wrench - I got this a few weeks ago when I was replacing our kitchen faucet.  I could not believe how well it worked.  It literally turned faucet replacement into a 20 minute job.  
  • Our new back patio furniture.  Patio tables are for chumps.  And I was a chump until this year. Now that we have lounge-y furniture back there, my only regret is that we didn't have this setup while I was a smoker.  
  • Oscillating saw - What do you want me to cut?  Because I can cut any fucking thing with this saw. I cut the shit out of all kinds of shit after I got it.  
  • ipod nano - Anyone who works out should have one of these.  So light and small and has a little clip on it.  I can't believe they redesigned it this year.  That was dumb.
  • Booze caddy - I actually got this from Dave back in 2005, but it was at my parents' house until this year.  I finally set it up, and now I don't know what I would do without it.  It measures out shots.  It rotates.  It keeps the bottles off the counter.  Genius!
  • G.I. Joe Classic bound copies of the original G.I. Joe Marvel comic books.  I read damn near all of them. Childhood revisited.  Hooray.
  • Faucet - the aforementioned kitchen faucet was a real lifesaver. Now we have way better water pressure, and the sprayer works like a champ. Voosh!
  • Baby Bjorn - I could take Edith wherever the hell I wanted, and no one could say shit.
  • Rain Barrel - Technically Chelsey picked this thing up, but Chuck and I installed it.  Having a rain barrel and using it to water your garden means you can be as smug as you want about things.  The Kosterpeldings are part of the solution.
  • Stratus Pro Basketball Game from 1988 - I had this as a kid and overpaid to re-acquire it off of eBay  Childhood recaptured again.  
  • Gas grill - This summer, Chelsey and I paid $15.00 for a nice gas grill at a garage sale. I have always been against these, but as expected, now that I own one I love it. Grill goes on. Grill goes off. Terrific.
  • Blue glass figurines from my Grandma - When she moved into her apartment, I got the shadowbox that she used to hang on the wall in her house.  But she took the blue glass items it used to hold with her to the apartment.  When she passed away this year, I got most of the blue glass back into her shadowbox.  Now it's all hanging in our living room.  That's pretty great.
Worst:

  • When I got the ipod nano, I decided to wear it like a watch with this dumb wristband.  It was a horrible decision.  For like two weeks I looked like a huge douchebag.  Huger than normal.
  • New Balance 840's.  Purchased a week before the half-marathon for way more than I normally pay for shoes.  They didn't work out, and I felt like a moron.
  • Tilly & the Wall - Heavy Mood and Cat Power - Sun.  I can't believe we paid for these crap-ass albums. 
  • Maroon button down shirt. I got this from H&M, and for the life of me, I cannot figure out how to to wear it and not feel like a putz. Don't know why.  I just can't do it.  I think I'm a light colored shirt wearer.  That's just the way it is.   
  • A bright blue sweater vest with a Goodwill logo sewn on.  I feel like I'mrepresenting a car dealership or a printing company at a trade show whenever I put this on.




Friday, August 17, 2012

Brent's Slightly More Than Half-Year Music Revue

Sometimes listening to music is hard.  Making time for it.  Remembering to pay attention when it's on.  Accidentally listening to the same album over and over again for several weeks.  Forgetting that you have the new Damien Jurado album because it's in the Damien Jurado folder on your computer and you didn't think to look there when it was time to add your new music to iTunes.  So June and July fly by, and suddenly you realize you haven't written shit about music all year.  Next thing you know, you're writing your half-year story in late August.  And you're a piece of shit.  And everyone knows it.

For the purpose of this list, I listed the band and a favorite single from the album.


  1. I don't like anything enough to take this spot.  Which may be part of the reason this list is so late.
  2. Edward Sharpe and the Magnetic Zeroes - No one was prepared to hate this album more than me.  But more than once, I found myself checking who sang a certain song on my "Need to Listen" playlist, and it would turn out to be this band. I'm just going to fess up that I like many of these songs, and prepare to be beaten by anyone with relatively good taste in music. 
  3. Sleigh Bells - it's just like their first album, but with two songs that sound like my favorite song from that album.  Zero points for ingenuity.  10 point for giving Brent what he wants.  
  4. First Aid Kit - What I like about this album is that people many different corners of my life all agree it's pretty good.  It's hard to put up a fight. Charming little songs, and a nice cameo from Conor Oberst near the end. 
  5. Sharon Van Etten - This was the first album of 2012 that caught my attention.  It's sad and deliberate. Two things I always like in an album.  But not a high flier. I don't have a favorite song on this album.
  6. Best Coast - I accidentally listened to this album a gazillion times. And it won me over.  It's really simple stuff.  Simple melodies.  Simple lyrics.  But there's something charming about them.  And they stopped with the crappy lo-fi recordings.  
  7. Cloud Nothings - This band has all the charm of the early 1990's.  "Stay Useless" may still be my favorite song of the year.
  8. Japandroids - Chuck dragged me to this band's show the last time they came to Omaha.  I think I would willingly go if they ever come back.  There's some really great tracks on here.  Mixed in with some not-so-good ones, but the high points are loud and make you want to pump your fist. 
  9. Dr. Dog - I will always love Dr. Dog.  I know they are boring.  But they harmonize well, and they like to try new things, even if they don't go that great.  And even though I know that many of their songs sound the same, I don't care.
  10. Three way tie - Kelly Hogan/Christeene/Moonface - First of all, I didn't have a number one, so I feel like a three-way tie for 10 is okay.  Now then Kelly Hogan is Neko Case's traveling backup singer.  She sings retro-y songs and looks exactly like Chelsey's friend Alea.  Chirsteene is my friend Paul, and while it's not for everyone, I really like the album.  More than I ever would have expected.  It's really well done. I always get excited when it comes on my iPod.  And lastly we have Moonface.  Moonface is the last living remnant of Wolf Parade.  All the other side projects are dead. So I think maybe I like it for that reason.  I loved Wolf Parade. Dammit.    

Monday, May 7, 2012

The Weeknd - House of Broken Balloons

Yesterday was the Lincoln Half-Marathon. I have run this race for the past three years, and there are several coworkers of mine who do it with me.  I had been training since about January, building up the length of my runs in the process.  The previous Sunday I had easily completed a10-mile run, and for the most part, my training had gone really well.  Probably the best training season I've ever had.  Certainly better than last year, when I barely got through it.  It was like year one, when I was continually surprising myself with how well I was doing. 

So we packed up the kid and went to Lincoln, NE.  Stayed in a fancier hotel than the dive I normally book.  Went to dinner with a coworker who has also run the last three years and her family.  Sometime after that, it all went downhill. 

We got back to the hotel, and Chelsey threw out her neck/back/shoulder/everything else trying to reach for Edith.  This was a small issue earlier in the day, but somehow the Edith lunge made it much worse. 

After that, we went to bed, but now that Edith is more coordinated, sleeping in a non-crib is kind of a joke.  So instead of going right to sleep at 8:45 like normal, she wrestled with Chelsey in her bed for like 45 minutes.  Chelsey finally got her to go to bed by holding her down.  Which I think is funny.  Holding babies down is funny.

I woke up at five on race day.  The great thing about half-marathon day, is that you have to both eat and evacuate as soon as possible.  Which means it's the only time each year that I get to eat while sitting on the toilet.  That's right.  Get that image going.  I finished half my power bar and took a shower.  I was also trying to kill a 32oz Gatorade before it got too close to the run which is also gross at that hour.  After the shower I had to lube up all the parts that would take on extra rubbing over the course of two hours and twenty-five minutes.  Thighs, butt, nipples.  I have this stuff that goes on like solid deodorant.  It's great. 

The important thing about Lincoln on Sunday is that a huge storm rolled through at like four o'clock in the morning.  So when we got out to the starting area at 6:30, it was really really humid.  I can run and run and run in dry air.  I have no chance in humid air.  So I didn't have a good feeling from the get-go. 

Adding to this feeling of doom was the fact that I had just purchased new shoes two weeks before the race.  This proved to be my undoing.  In the days and weeks that came after I had tried to make these shoes work.  I exchanged them for a pair 1/2 size smaller.  I had purchased new inserts and socks to make things better. But nothing seemed to solve the problem that my feet did not fit in them very well after like 6-7 miles.  At that point they became really painful.  Turns out that feet swell at that distance. Oh well.  Back to Sunday.

They started the race at like seven, but there are 10,000 runners and they stagger the starts, so I didn't actually start running until like 7:30.  In the meantime, I made my way back to the other people who run eleven minute miles. I was all by myself at this point, because all my co-workers run faster than me. I arbitrarily dropped in to this mass of people getting ready to run, and was greeted by "Hi Brent."

Turns out this girl Sarah was standing right next to me.  Sarah is someone who I met like five years ago,  and only hung out with once.  But I see her in the most random places.  She and her husband were in the same obedience class we would bring Deuce a couple of years ago.  They also had a baby like two weeks before we had Edith.  There's just all this weird parallel stuff between us and them.  So Sarah and I talked from when I got in line to when we actually took off.  It was nice catching up.  Her baby apparently growls instead of crying. 

About a minute into the actual race, I just had a feeling that this wasn't going to go well.  Talking with Sarah had thrown me off.  I went from smalltalk to "holy shit, it's time to run."  That's not how I normally do things.  And since I had stretched at like 6:30, I wasn't really all that limber anymore.  My shin was all tight on my right side, and I just didn't have any umph.  Also, the song that came on while I was taking off was "Sorry Is the Hardest Word" by Elton John.  Not exactly ideal, opening thirteen miles with "What have I gotta do to make you love me?"



And that's just kind of how things went.  I didn't enjoy the race like I normally do.  I just kind of suffered it.  My shoes were fine until about mile seven, so that wasn't really an issue.  But everything seemed off. For a while I thought things were fixed, when "Acid Fight" by Blood on the Wall came on the ipod.  I'm going to put a link on here, but I'm not going to recommend you listen to it unless you're having a really good day.  It's not a pleasant song.  But I've always liked it. 



So that held me over for a while, but I kept wondering where Chuck and Chelsey were.  Last year I saw them like five different times along the route.  The were conspicuously absent for the whole first third of the race.  Then the second third.  In the meantime, the humidity was definitely taking its toll. 

There is no way of overstating how great it feels to have people cheer for you when you are running that long.  Lincoln is great.  People come out and cheer on the runners, and this year they put the runner's names on the bib, so I was able to have "Floyd" as my running name.  And lots of people were yelling it out as I went by, which I believe is almost entirely because I went with Floyd over Brent. 

After 10km, we leave the city streets of Lincoln and move to a bike trail.  I know it was 10km, because at that point I was running right next to the pacer (a person who runs the race at a certain speed, so people can keep pace with them) yelled out, "We just passed 10k!" which would have been okay but I thought I was further than 6.2 miles.  So my heart sunk a little.

The next two miles take place on the bike trail, and it's a real nightmare.  It's very narrow, and that's when people start cashing in their chips, so you have to constantly navigate people who are walking in front of you as well as people who are coming up from the rear still.  You end up resorting to going around people by jumping into the grass along the outside of the trail.  Normally a fun part of the race.  But not so much when your shoes are starting to hurt.  The trail took forever.  I hated it. 

The trail ended, bringing up the most difficult part of the race.  There are two hills that take you through a neighborhood, before you make your way though downtown to the end.  The first hill pretty much killed me.  The second hill killed me more. When they were done with me, I was no longer running.  I had stopped in the hopes that it would make my feet stop hurting.  Its did not.  If anything, they hurt worse when walking.  So I started running again.  That still hurt.  I didn't know what to do.

I was ready to stop, but there's no way to stop when you are four miles from the end.  Mercifully, Chelsey and Chuck showed up in the distance.  I hobbled over to them.  They both looked at me horrified.  I said something about shutting it down.  They said something about my bloody nipple.  Wait.  What?  I looked down.  My left nipple had apparently been bleeding for quite a while.  Giant blood stain on my sweat-soaked shirt.  I didn't feel anything, but apparently the lube didn't work.

As I made my way to the car with Chuck and Chelsey, they explained that they just didn't have a good day.  Chuck got lost on his way to the hotel in the morning.  Then they couldn't get where they wanted to go.  None of their decisions worked out.  They kept getting stuck in traffic.  When I saw them at mile nine, it was the first time they were able to find a spot.  I'm sure Edith didn't make any of this any easier.  Nor did Chelsey's neck/back/shoulder issues. 

We all agreed it wasn't our best outing.  We went to have breakfast instead.  The restaurant was full of runners who had finished the race.  I felt a tinge of regret.  But mostly I was just glad that my feet didn't hurt anymore.  In the booth next to ours a mother and father were giving their daughter a congratulations gift for finishing the race.  I asked Chelsey and Chuck where my gift was.  They both said that they had gifts, but they had thrown them away after I quit.  The girl's present turned out to be a glass butterfly, and I didn't feel so bad. 

Monday, December 12, 2011

Three Bike Accidents

This past week, my nephew (Wendy's son Jude) had a pretty crappy bike accident.  I wanted to pass along my own bike disaster memories so that he could see he wasn't alone in his struggle to stay on two wheels.  Here is the email I sent to Wendy.  After re-reading it, I decided that I wanted it to share it for posterity.  It's cleaned up a bit.  In the first story, I actually racked myself severely, but figured there was not delicate way of saying that.  And in the last one I was at least a little drunk.  No need to share that. 

First, when I was his age, Chuck and I were jumping our bikes at the churchyards in Logansport.   We had a ramp set up, but I guess it was too close to a shed that was on the parking lot.  I had made the jump several times, but on my last jump, I struggled to land, and ran straight into the shed.  It threw me off my seat and into my handlebars.  I hopped up from the wreck, and ran straight home, I was so mad and embarrassed and hurt..  Bad day. 
But not the worst bike accident I ever had.  The one that hurt the most happened in New Orleans.  I was biking home from the grocery store in the street, when some lady opened her car door in front of me without looking.  The door took out my bike and I flew straight into the side of her door.  The main impact was on my shin.  It split the skin wide open, and my leg swelled up so it looked like a tennis ball was underneath.  So much swelling I could barely walk for the next week.  I had to have the welt lanced to relieve the pain and pressure.  When the sore finally healed (it took the whole summer) the scab that fell off was big and thick as a thin mint cookie.  It was incredible.  I still have a lump there on that shin.
Still not the worst.  The worst was actually pretty similar to Jude's.  I was biking home from my job on St. Charles Avenue late one night, and I must have hit something or something hit me.  It was very dark.  I don't really know what happened, because I lost consciousness.  When I came to, I woke to the feeling of my chin dragging along the road.  I had been knocked off my bike and basically landed on my face.  I got to my feet, and tried to ride home.  It felt like my face was on fire, and little drops of blood were accumulating on my shirt and bike on the way home.  By the time I got home, my whole front side was bloody.  I took a look at myself in the mirror that night, and I couldn't see any skin on my chin at all.  Just blood and scab.  I had a concussion from the accident, so I threw up after that.  Then I went to bed.  NEVER DO THIS.  I WAS LUCKY.  You aren't supposed to fall asleep after a concussion, but I was super-loopy from the crash.  The next day, I tried to go to school, but I was in a fog.  I got to class late, and everyone gasped when I opened the door.  But my fellow students were very kind.  They helped me get to the Medical Clinic on campus, where the staff diagnosed my concussion, and told me it was too late for stitches.  When I got home from school I discovered that I had gravel embedded in my chin.  I spent several excruciating minutes digging it out, but I did a lousy job.  I would find little pieces of concrete in my chin over the course of the next few months.  I had a very deep cut on my chin which took a log time to heal.  But I also had a great story.  Sometimes I would make things up when people would ask me about it.  And then, when I met Chelsey, we discovered that both of us had a scar in that same spot on our chins.  So maybe it was meant to be. 

Friday, November 11, 2011

Achtung Baby In Review

Kent was nice enough to get me the newest reissue of Achtung Baby.  This used to be my favorite album.  For years and years.  I like U2's entire body of work, but Achtung Baby came out when I was like 17 years old and I thought it sounded like the future of music.  Embarrassing, I know, but that's what I thought.

So in the years that followed, I gained some perspective on all this.  U2 got worse as a band, and I began to seek out a rougher aesthetic to my music.  I favored more do-it-yourself production. And music made from weird instruments. And lyrics about things less grandiose than who was going to ride my wild horses. 

Achtung Baby became something that represented a more naive time in my musical appreciation.  It was so sincere, and in some ways, a one-note album.  The same guitar is seemingly used throughout the album.  The Fly and Ultraviolet light are essentially the same song with different lyrics.  All those things seemed like sins to me.

I always knew I would love the album, but in the same way I love Star Wars.  I know it's flawed.  I like it anyways.  But the re-release on its 20th anniversary brought me a little deeper perspective on the album.

First, it made me feel old.  Everything seems to make me feel old.  Players I cheered for in college back then are all retired from the pro careers now.  They all look like old men.  Bobby Hurley looks like a gramps.  But I'm okay with this.  I'm old.  Whatever.

Second, I think I had a bigger appreciation for where this hit in U2's progression as a band.  I don't think I had any idea how much people thought they were dopes for putting out Rattle and Hum.  I loved that album, but failed appreciate how over-the-top it was in terms of U2 taking themselves seriously.  Whatever punk credibility they had going into that tour was gone by the end. They were dopes.  I had no sense of this.  I though Rattle and Hum was the best thing since sliced bread.  All that earnestness, all that Americana, all those duets with choirs.  I ate it up.

Thirdly, given the new-found appreciation for where the band was at when they made Achtung Baby, I am really impressed that this is what they came up with.  So many bands struggle to get back their magic after it's gone.  Few do so successfully.  I always hear that U2 decided to poke fun at their former image on this record, but more than that, they did so while making a really good album.  I would say their masterpiece "One" is on there, and some of Bono's best lyrics - which admittedly is not saying much.
Lastly, I think I have a greater appreciation for the overarching themes of the album, and I think it's solid.  It starts with all this appeals for the band to stop being so U2-y.  And then goes on this journey to find out what's there in the absence of being socially conscious nerd bottoms.  So the trajectory of the album goes from the sort of high-energy songs that explore love and religion and generally lofty pursuits. But it slowly bogs down again under its own weight.  Heaviness returns, but it's not the social injustice variety.  It's the heaviness of the aftermath of self-discovery.  The weight that follows those bursts of freedom.  Coming down.  I feel like Love is Blindness captures that aptly.  So it's journey into what happens when you set yourself loose, and find that you can't outrun your own demons.  That's pretty cool. 

So I just want to publicly apologize to U2 for turning my back on this album for so long.  They made a really nice album.  It was good when I was 17.  It's good at 37.  You made some real crap after Zooropa, but this here is a solid record. 

So far this month I have apologized to gutter punks and U2.  Who is next?
 

Thursday, August 25, 2011

Edith Watch 2011

I guess everyone knows this, but Edith is scheduled to show up on the 31st.  We saw the doctor on Tuesday, and she scheduled it for us.  Chelsey is going in on the 30th, and she's getting induced the following morning.  We are so excited. 

It's funny how all the dread about being a parent melts away when faced with the fact that Edith is showing up on a concrete date.  I told a co-worker today that I'm so fired up, I plan on going in shirtless and oiled up.  Not sure how that would help, but that's how excited I am.  We both agreed I'd most likely be asked to leave.  So I'm not going to do that after all.

Also, because God hates us for not naming Edith after a saint, my car's muffler appears to have a hole in it due to rust.  The Versa sounds like some Asian kids souped up Honda.  It's embarrassing.  This happy little incident helped us learn that our car is no longer under the super-warranty we have enjoyed since we bought it.  Now it's just under a powertrain warranty.  Thanks for that too God.  Now that I think about it, we did name the dog after a Saint. 

So we have to pay for that.  And Deuce has a kidney stone so we may have to pay for that too.  But who cares?  I got a big fat promotion this week.  Well, it actually doesn't go through until January, but still.

King Edith is going to be so rich.

Wednesday, July 6, 2011

30 Day Music Challenge - Day 16

Song You Used To Love, That You Now Hate

This one took me longer than any other, and I'm sure I'm missing something, but this song represents the worst of my listening habits when I was in high school.  I had this thing for adult contemporary (Sting, Peter Gabriel, etc).  I should have been listening to the Clash.  Not this crap.  But I really loved the earth, and this song had a lot of nature noises in it.  Sting at his smuggiest best.  Enjoy.



Kent's song. I agree with your assessment of this challenge. That's why it took me so long. I love this song, but I guess I never loved it sincerely - only ironically. 



Chuck's song. So far my song is by far the worst.



Wendy's song. And my song was the official worst on the list. Good job, high school Brent.